dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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