I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I need a beard to bite.
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