I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
