I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
