yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
