So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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