Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
