Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My hand turned me down
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
