I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize