yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
