Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
we're so committed to being not committed
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
