Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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