come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
