Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
