grandma shit on top of the toilet
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
