I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
