My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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