So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
