Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
