i'm signing you up for texting rehab
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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