Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
