6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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