Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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