Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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