her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
