Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
