i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
