Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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