whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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