How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
