And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
