She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
