I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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