I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
thus making me awesome and them whores
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
