I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
