i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
