...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
