I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
