I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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