so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
