I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
