thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize