If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
PS: I just woke up from my shower
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
