If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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