my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
organizing the empties. That sober.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
