I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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