At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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