no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
