I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
