It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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