Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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