I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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