two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
