this boner is exhausting
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
