Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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