so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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