I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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