so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize