This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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