dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
