Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Fuck appropriateness.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
