Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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