I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize