sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
