Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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