It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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