Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
