I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
