i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize