I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
