You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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