I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
