I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize